Home » Jazz Articles » Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette and Bandstand Decorum » Cattle Calls, Tuning Wrenchers and the American Dream

5

Cattle Calls, Tuning Wrenchers and the American Dream

Cattle Calls, Tuning Wrenchers and the American Dream
By

Sign in to view read count

Cattle Calls

Dear Mr. P.C.:

When a bandleader calls me for a gig and says, "I know you're probably already booked, because I tried 20 other pianists and everybody's working," what am I supposed to say?

—#21


Dear #21:

Look at his words closely. If he knows you're probably booked, why is he calling you? Obviously not because he wants you for the gig; it's so he can tell the next pianist that he's already called 21 others.

How high can he go? That's the cruel game he's playing. Needless to say there isn't even really a gig, and if the next pianist says yes he'll wind up with nothing but the knowledge that he's less wanted and more gullible than 21 of his peers.

Tuning Wrenchers

Dear Mr. P.C.:

Have you ever heard from a piano technician? Well you have now!

Starting a few years ago, I was hired to work on an absolutely hopeless piano. The owner is filthy rich and lives in a mansion. He doesn't play it, but hires a pianist for his parties. He bought the piano from someone's basement for $350, and now he takes pride in it as a rescue project. He wants to be able to brag that he discovered this neglected treasure, restored it to full health, and got a bargain in the process. And although it's agony to work on, I appreciate all the money I'm getting.

Should I tell him the truth, that no amount of work will make it sound good? Seems like we're both happier living in his fantasy world.

—Tim the Tuner


Dear Tim:

Words, words, words; why all these words? Shouldn't you be hunched over a beat-up, mildewy spinet in a dank basement, threading felts, jamming mutes, banging keys tirelessly, note by note, counting beats, wrenching pins; then, finally, playing a little celebratory Chopin at the end?

That's what your life is meant to be, Tim; no more, no less. Asking questions only makes it harder. I'm so sorry.

The American Dream

Dear Mr. P.C.:

When a multi-instrumentalist—say trumpet and sax—finishes one solo and immediately switches to the other instrument, should I clap between the solos or wait until the second one is over?

—Can't Lavish Applause Properly


Dear CLAP:

Why in the world would he take two solos if it would only get him one round of applause? He expects and deserves twice as much applause for twice as much work, the same applause you would give someone who took a a single solo twice as long as anyone else's.

In other words, applause should be proportional to the effort involved. That's the American Dream, CLAP—hard work generating its own reward. There are those who think the quality of the solo should also be factored in, but that's blatant discrimination against disadvantaged players who—through no fault of their own—happen to have no talent or taste.

Have a question for Mr. P.C.? Ask him.

Comments


For the Love of Jazz
Get the Jazz Near You newsletter All About Jazz has been a pillar of jazz since 1995, championing it as an art form and, more importantly, supporting the musicians who create it. Our enduring commitment has made "AAJ" one of the most culturally important websites of its kind, read by hundreds of thousands of fans, musicians and industry figures every month.

You Can Help
To expand our coverage even further and develop new means to foster jazz discovery and connectivity we need your help. You can become a sustaining member for a modest $20 and in return, we'll immediately hide those pesky ads plus provide access to future articles for a full year. This winning combination will vastly improve your AAJ experience and allow us to vigorously build on the pioneering work we first started in 1995. So enjoy an ad-free AAJ experience and help us remain a positive beacon for jazz by making a donation today.

More

Jazz article: Old Folks
Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette and Bandstand Decorum
Old Folks
Jazz article: Last Notes, List Notes, Lost Dollars
Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette and Bandstand Decorum
Last Notes, List Notes, Lost Dollars
Jazz article: Fluid Start Times, Desert Island Recordings, and Personal Growth
Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette and Bandstand Decorum
Fluid Start Times, Desert Island Recordings, and Personal...
Jazz article: French Scat, Nothing Personal, Casual Claustrophobia
Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette and Bandstand Decorum
French Scat, Nothing Personal, Casual Claustrophobia

Popular

Get more of a good thing!

Our weekly newsletter highlights our top stories, our special offers, and upcoming jazz events near you.